Antony Mann. The Face Tree. (Interzone #245, Mar-Apr 2013)

A jaded middle-aged Oxford tour guide cum ELT teacher comes across a tree with a knot on its trunk uncannily like a face, and a woman who claims it to be a piece of her artwork.

We follow the singularly unattractive protagonist through a subsequent slight uptake in his fortunes, but a case of coitus arborinterruptus leaves him on a dizzyingly downward spiral … and no prizes for guessing the ending!